Singleness. A 30 year old woman who is not yet married. I’m not sure why this subject isn’t talked about more, but I’m hoping to break that mold. I would have never guessed that I would turn 30 and still not be married. One of the greatest, deepest desires of my heart is to be a wife.

That longing is not something I, or anyone else, have any control over. But this long, hard, and often, very lonely trek of singleness is where I have met Jesus. I met Him in my vulnerable, ugly crying, “I don’t understand” and “why me” moments sort of met Him. In these moments I surrender, even when it feels like there is nothing else to surrender.

Laying down the desires of my heart has created a new and unexpected trust with the Lord. Now, I am able to see Him move and work in my life in ways I would not have noticed before.

I know I’m not in this world merely to fulfill the desires of my heart. I am here to be faithful with what the Lord has given me. This is hard for me to remember. I have asked him to take this cup from me, so many times. But I will carry until He says otherwise. I know that what He has planned is greater and more beautiful.

I know that He does not withhold good things from us. I say that with confidence because I have experienced his goodness, like finding conch shells on the beach that I prayed for a year to find. He hears, He knows, He cares. I know those are hard to believe. Press on. He will meet you in the refining. He will.

Those of you struggling in singleness: you are not alone. There is love and grace in the journey of singleness, and it is not for the faint of heart.

That’s all for now, but there is a lot more where that came from.

Follow along on Haley’s journey at haley_blair_ on Instagram.